Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Past, Interrupted

I was going to write about kindergarten and first grade next. But then I did something so astoundingly dorky, that I just had to share:

It was my 7th day of work. I was wearing these baggy slinky black pants that look best if hung to dry via the conveniently supplied "loops" sewin into the lining (see example here):

Always faithful to style (or. . .not .. . ). . .I grabbed my pants, shoved them on, and then I frantically got my crap together in order to get my son to school, daugher to her first day of preschool, dog pooped outside, cat watered indoors and oh, wait.. I forgot aunica's shoes.

Let me refer you to the picture above. As you can see, the ribbon loops are very handy-dandy for hanging articles of clothing up to dry. Honestly--I can see why they make them-- for those someones (or somethings) who enjoy caring about such details. I, on the other hand, spend too much time not needing those kinds of things and would be just as happy to ignore the hanging loops on the pants I was about to wear. This ignoring did, however, lead to some embarrassment at the end of my day.

Yes... the pant loops were fairly long (much too long, if you ask me) and they were unfortunately placed in the crotchal area (phew, tucked that loop right in) and in the more posterier area of my body). I failed to keep my posterier loop in check before trotting off to school. Who knows how long I had a ribbon-loop-tail at work on Wednesday, September 5, 2012. Looking in the mirror, I imagined I looked like a horse with some sort of medical issue that left her with 2 skimpy-but-long strands of tail-hair -- two strands that stood out and looked really *really* ridiculous.

No on stopped me to say anything negative about my inability to realize I needed to tuck my pant-loop in. But, considering I work with people who play with preschoolers for a living, it's probably ok. . .

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Childhood Dorkiness - Pre-K

Being a dork is lonely--especially when you are a kid. I remember feeling so very emotionally isolated from all the people around me. I was constantly questioning what it was that "they" had that I did not. I still don't know, to be quite honest.

Here is the first in a series of memories from my childhood:

Pre-K: Looking back at movies from this era, I can see now that I was quite a bossy child then. One particular video shows my 4th or 5th birthday party. It is apparent on this home movie that I saw the role of birthday girl as being "supreme boss person". There are a few different documented places in which this less-than-desirable characteristic of childhod me have come to light. Which is probably one contributing factor to why the following incident happend: So, my family lived in a neighborhood with quite a few kids. I occasionally played with the children next door, across the street, behind us, etc. I must have really pushed their buttons because apparently they got pissed off at my sense of superiority and decided to take revenge. This group got into one big mob one day (6 or 7 of them) and stood in the yard ajacent to mine. They called for me to come and see something. I still remember that box of junior mints Anne-Marie was holding. The looked delectable and I was really eager to try one. As I got closer, Anne-Marie asked if I wanted one. Of course I said yes. But as I started to climb over the fence, the whole group exclaimed with one voice, "NOT YOUR PROPERTY!". I backed down and just stared at them, baffled. Of course, I did not know what the word "property" meant, but the contextual clues were pretty apparent. They then told me that they wouldn't do it again, but as I started to climb over the fence (thinking they had made a mistake earlier) they yelled it again! "NOT YOUR PROPERTY!" This happened something like 3 or 4 times. They told me it was because I was always mean to them. And then I gave up and left. I don't remember if I cried or not. Probably, because I cry at the drop of a hat.

This story does not probably make me sound like a dork. It makes my neighbor kids sound like jerks. And they were. But I didn't know that then. I truly thought I had done something to make them not like me. I feel this was the first time I began to get the sense that other kids didn't like me. Whether I liked them wasn't the issue. They didn't like me, and that was all that mattered.

(Kindergarten and First Coming Soon!)

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Introduction to Dorkage

There is a word zooming around the buzzword world right now. It has become a catch phrase to pigeon-hole the type of person that is likeable but quirky. Characters played by everyone from Zooey Deschanel to Audrey Hepburn to Meg Ryan in the 80s/90s have come to be described as "Adorkable". You can be gorgeous, you can be a celebrity dating/married to another celebrity, but if you do things that normal people would consider "unusual" (such as singing or skipping in public), you are now an adorkable human being.

I am writing this blog to discuss the difference between being a "dork" and being "adorkable". I grew up a dork and still classify myself in the category of dork because I think the description actually fits. But here's the thing-- Being a dork would never allow you to be a celebrity. There is just no way. Napoleon Dynamite is the best and most accurate depiction of complete dorkage I've ever seen in a movie. Jared whats-his-face, who plays the title character, has gained fame and a few other roles due to his part in his original "cult classic" (another word for a movie a lot of people didn't get). But his other roles have flopped because once a dork, always a dork. Dorks don't hang out with the cool kids. And we all know that celebrities are the cool kids of society-in-general.

My first post (this one) is about the current picture in my background (and profile) as a classic example of dorkiness at its finest. This is me. I am 23 (and pregnant) in this picture, but 7 years have passed since this photo was taken. I imagine it would still look the same were it taken today, because I haven't changed much. I am the one in the purple shirt and blue overalls staring with wrinkle-nosed intensity at the sky. The rest of the people in the picture are my extended family (mother's side). Apparently, I walked into this picture while it was being taken. At that moment, however, an airplane was flying over. Interestingly, I remember this moment. The airplane was white, as many planes are, and was relatively low-flying. This moment sums up [encapsulates - thanks, Jed] my whole existence on this planet. I have always *felt* as awkard as I *look* in this photo. Everyone else seems like they have it all together--just like my relatives in the photo. But I consistently feel like I'm just that strange girl in the background who has an affinity for flying objects.

So, welcome to my blog about being a dork of the less-cute variety. Some things I plan to post on:

Eating rock salt on the playground
Playing the xylophone in band
Thinking Telletubbies were cool (in high school)
Walking into a screen door
Eating a gummy bear off the bathroom floor
Stuff like that